Road Rage. It exists in every town and in every man. Including me. Yep, I'm prone to fits of road rage quite often. Bascially everytime I get in the car needing to be somewhere and I encounter someone else on the road. Now, normally, I'm not an angry person. I've got that "cool as a cucumber" demeanor. It takes a lot to get a rise out of me. But put me in the drivers seat and I'm a regular Sean Penn when he was dating Madonna. Whatever happened to courteous drivers? Wait. Scratch that cuz they never exisited. All we have now is the "LET'S GET THERE AND LET'S GET THERE NOW AND ANYONE IN OUR WAY BE DAMNED!" kinda people. And the drivers with that attitude makes me wish that I could rent out a Monster Truck for a day and just trample over every other car on the road and laugh down at them from my save position high in the cab above 3 story tires.
To be honest not everybody on the road irks me. It's mainly those damn brake happy assholes. You know the ones. You're dittybopping down the highway, maybe singing along to Tears for Fears "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" (as we are so prone to do) and the car in front of you puts on its brakes. No problemo. Traffic's just backed up right? Suuuure. So the car in front of you goes again and you're back to singing along with the radio. Then he stops again. What the--? That's when you notice that every other car around you is zooming by quite happily. It's time to investigate. You kinda swerve to the right to see around the big honkin SUV (because it's now law for any brake happy asshole to drive the biggest care available on the market that's legal) and you see that there is no one in front of him. Traffic is clear for miles and miles. It's just you and the brake happy asshole. Why does he feel the need to brake every 5 seconds? You're going the speed limit, there's no accident or other traffic impediments, so why? WHY I ASK YOU WHY? Is it a nervous tic that makes him slam on the brakes every couple seconds? Does he know that you have to be to work in 5 minutes and have to pee really bad so that if you don't get to the office facilities soon you're new nickname will be Soggy Pants? Is it with some malicious glee that he brakes so frequently? I don't know. But I know it pisses me off.
Almost as bad (but not quite as) is the Speedster who zooms past you at warp speed, yet once he passes you decides he's not in such a hurry anymore and figures he'll take a country stroll of about 3 mph. These are the kind of guys who will cut you off in traffic then not go the speed limit. It's sooo important that they be in front of you so they cut in front of you and make you brake and spill your soda all over your new dress...and then they seem to forget which side the gas pedal is located. It must be in the same place where they left their brain. Why do these people feel compelled to do this?
To go along with the brake happy theme, I'm also sick and tired of these people who need to change lanes at any costs. Usually this isn't a big deal. You put on your blinker and ease your way into the next lane when there's a nice comfy spot for you. But not the people I'm on the road with. Nope. They decide to brake to a complete stop in the middle of the freeway and wait there until there's an open space. Nevermind that someone's driving behind them. We can wait by golly! And there's the people who don't know the meaning of the left-hand turn lane. I keep encountering these people who stop... THEN they get over to the turn lane and proceed to turn left. Now you see, I was taught that you get in the lane THEN brake, you know, so the people behind you can continue on their merry way and not wait for you to have to get your ass over.
It's called the Rules of the Road, people, let's learn them and then use them. Or one day you might just see a Monster Truck in your rearview and get a nice lil surprise as I decide that I'm in a no-holds-barred wrecking ralley.